Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Purple-white Grass

My nose is still bleeding into the paper towel she brought out to the playground. And every so often, when I breathe in it stings and causes my eyes to water, but I’m all smiles. I can’t help, but smile. Julie is standing in front of me, walking me through her boxing stance.

 

“You’ve already went through the hard part. Taking a punch in the face and realizing it isn’t the end of the world.”

 

She says I need to keep my chin down. Keep my hands up. Plant and throw off of my back foot.

 

“It’s not like you don’t know where they are going to be throwing punches. They’re going to go straight for your pathetic face. This is what my brother taught me.”

 

It’s just so sweet, Julie, an eight year old angel from a wealthy family, teaching me, a poor mongrel boy how to box. Maybe she’s training me to be her bodyguard some day, maybe a lowly minion. I just want to cry.

 

“Now Blake is just dirty, I saw the whole thing. He just waited for you to turn around and blindsided you. But he doesn’t know how to fight. His hands were all horizontal to the ground. What did he say to get you to turn around?”

 

“Hey fuckface.”

 

“Well you should have probably had an idea what was coming. Step back before you turn around next time.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Julie smiles, “You’re not soft.”  And the bell rings signifying five more minutes of recess. “Okay before we go in get up and get in the stance.”

 

I still feel a little woozy and my eye is starting to swell. The grass of the playground looks bleached and almost purple, I must have kept my eyes open when I went down.

 

“Okay, I’m going to throw a punch, real slow. Push it out of the way with your left and move your head to the left, Okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Good, I’m going to do it faster now. “

 

And she throws and I block.

 

“Do you feel like a loser?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You’ve got big strong hands you could be a fighter. You know what they say about big hands don’t you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Big hands mean big….feet. Now you punch, straight and about half-speed.”

 

It feels weird, but I throw a  jab, which she blocks and bobs behind. Throwing a slightly faster jab I block.  We both turn and throw and block again.

 

“You’re not a loser.”

 

“It’s going to take awhile to convince me of that.”

 

“Do you think if you beat him up you’d feel better?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Just punch him in the throat.. Punch his eyes shut. Rearrange his face. Make him look so bad nobody ever wants to fight you again.”

 

I smile, I really can’t help it. I know this is going to be my happiest moment for a long, long time. It’s almost like we’re dancing. And she’s smiling too. Her braces all chrome and reflecting like tiny waves in the air between us. 


The end of recess bell rings and she keeps moving, throwing. I have to remember this so as she throws a right I drop my hands and it comes right into my nose. I might faint, I’m just that happy.

 

“I was going to do that jerk. Punch me.”

 

“I can’t hit a girl.”

 

“I may be a girl, but I’m also your best friend.”

 

“Okay, next break.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“I Promise.”


 

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Comedian

“I have a terrible sense of humor.”

 

“No, no you don’t.”

 

“You don’t know. And, you don’t know—It’s terrible. I get it from my dad.”

 

“How can anyone have a terrible sense of humor?”

 

“I’ll tell you.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“I will.”

 

“Okay, tell me now.”

 

“I think it was because my dad was sensitive and he wanted to fix things that he always got a bit goofy when mom was PMSing.”

 

“I don’t follow.”

 

“He could feel some of what she was experiencing, but was unable to help. And being unable to help he did goofy things. Practical jokes. That was his kind of lashing out at things that were beyond his control. I always knew something was up when I’d see him ducking behind the bushes, giggling uncontrollably.”

 

“So what kind of stuff would he do?”

 

“Bad things. The lesser stuff were things like, making her French toast and putting baking powder instead of powdered sugar on the toast. The more severe was placing snakes inside of something she would have to open.”

 

“Poisonous? “

 

“I hope not. But anyway, sometimes…sometimes I’d see him hiding. He wasn’t just laughing, he was hurting too. It was all pretty sickening. And just being around it I got this really messed up sense of humor.”

 

“So what kind of stuff do you find funny?”

 

“Painful stuff, inappropriate stuff.”

 

“Like what?...Hey, what was that for?”

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fish

"Look, I'm driving right now, so how about I call you back?"

"Why would you even say something like that?"

"I don't know. There's something wrong with me."

"It's not true."

"I know."

"But you had to tell them...why? It makes no sense."

"Your name came up and I just said it. I'm real sorry, really real sorry. Here... I'm pulling over... Okay, I'm off the road now. You know if I could take it back I would."

"It's not like you would even know."

"I know, really, really sorry, but that's the last time I'm going to apologize okay."

"What was it verbatim?"

"I said, 'You have got the fattest fucking fish in your aquarium that I have ever seen.' Or something real close to that."

"That's not what Mike said, you said."

"What can I do, there's nothing I can do about it now."

"God you've ruined me."

"I know. You're Welcome."

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Soft

"Don't you ever miss it? Don't you ever miss the intimacy part, the sometimes softness? Like when your doing something, like the dishes and they come up from behind and just wrap their arms around you. You know, immobilizing your arms in a way. In a way just saying "You've done enough." That kind of non-verbal acceptance. Don't you miss that? That kind of compassion. Intimacy, you know?"

"Of course, I know what I'm giving up."

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Clean Your Teeth, Please

“I will spit directly into your eye. I will pin you down and pry open your eyelids. I will. Honest. And then I’ll spit, right directly on your eyeball.”

This is Melinda, this is how she talks to me when I say stuff like, ‘No.’

When she asks a question like, “Can you please put your toothbrush back in the holder after you use it, or at least set it down with the bristles up, Please?”

And then I say, “No.”

And then she says she’s going to spit on my eyeball if I don’t.
But then that’s Melinda—Violent.

Monday, March 16, 2009

But First, Say Something BIG

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